The Yuck Confessions

I am approached often about foster care often, whether it is via Facebook, texts, emails or calls. I love sharing about what led us here, how to get started, my views, etc and I love spreading awareness. When someone speaks out passionately about something God has laid on their heart they usually get lumped into one of two categories which are: The saint who lives a perfect life or the hater who judges everyone who lives differently. For real -- I have gotten both :( We are neither of these! We are normal people who truly love others. We make LOTS of mistakes, we sin so ridiculously much, we need taught, we take notes, we ask forgiveness...BUT Jesus! But Jesus!!!

I am a passionate speaker and really love to share insight I have learned from God or others. It's not always the best insight and it may even be something that isn't insightful at all. When God lays a ministry in front of me, I can't help but share about how amazing it is. Who doesn't? I wouldn't be doing it if it was completely miserable and I know God wouldn't want me to. I don't always mention the yuck for two reasons: 1. I don't want people to get a bad view and hear the few negative things that outweigh the hundreds of positives and 2. I don't want to come across as complaining - seriously can't stand grumbling.

So, I have a few things I would like to share with you in regards to foster care with a heart that is passionate about getting these hurts out. These are stumbling blocks for a foster family and I know, if you're like me, you don't want to cause anyone to stumble :)

1. We are NOT saints (well, we are in the Biblical sense - we are Christians who love the Lord). We are NOT God's special angels. We will NOT have a special place in Heaven. For real, friends! We are doing what God has called us to do. Plain and simple. This is my family's calling. We have a passion for orphans. Because of this, God has EQUIPPED my husband and me with patience, faith, strength and a really strong marriage. We are not saints in the world's terms, we are just normal people doing normal things. To say we are saints is to say we are doing something extraordinary, but what we are doing is ordinary, just forgotten.

I don't like to be set any higher or feel any more significant than the family with one child who struggles to go to the grocery store with said child. That family is right where God needs them and they are just as beautiful! I know your hearts are in the right place when saying this and always welcome the encouragement and love, but know that when you say this about us, you are putting us higher than others and tempting us to boast. If you want to encourage please ask how to help. This is a ministry that involves a community and there are MANY ways to help - just ask :) If you are afraid of what I may ask of you, then don't ask - haha, just let us know you are praying and for that, we would be grateful.

2. Our foster kids are NOT lucky to be a part of our family. I love that y'all say this and I know without a doubt your intentions are very well meaning. With that being said, saying they are lucky is separating them from our other children. They are no more or no less needed in our family as our birth children. You probably hear this often, but it is so true - WE are the lucky ones! For real, I am so grateful that God has entrusted us enough to raise so many lives to love Him!!!!! It is actually overwhelming when I think about it - Whew!

3. We get sad! We are sad when we don't know what to do for our hurting child. We are sad when we can't fathom what our children have had to endure before they came home. We are sad when a child leaves our home, even when the reason is a really happy reason like being with their forever family. We remember memories when we hear their names or see a picture. We think what it would be like if they were ours forever. We miss not knowing what they look like over the years - Do they still have that long, blonde hair? Is he still collecting all those fuzzies in his fro? Does he still remember his first bonfire he had at our house? Does she still remember us? We are sad and that's okay! Please ask about them! They are gone, but they will never be forgotten :)

4. This is a big one: We don't always like our foster kids! This is a new one I finally feel comfortable talking about. I love these kids so much. When they walk over our threshold, they are ours and we love them so much. We want what is best and we hurt when they hurt. However, we don't always like them. We don't immediately feel a bond with some. Others we know before we meet them. This is where God's grace comes in and how thankful I am for it. Luckily, LIKE is not a command in the Bible, haha. It is easy to love a child, but hard to like their actions - their temper tantrums when told no, their bitterness to rules, their lying, hurting others, breaking things, etc. I know that children act out what they see and what they feel. I am reminded constantly to love and show love as much as possible. The more love I show, the more they give. The more they give, the more we all feel! It works!

5. We are no more busy than a family with two kids - I mean, technically we are, but not really, lol. If we were stressed and busy and didn't have time for anything, we wouldn't have this many kids! Honestly, God equips larger families with lifestyles that work for them. He equips them with patience to fit how many kids they have. We are no more special than a family with three kids. God gave them the patience they needed to raise those children just as he gave us the amount we needed to fulfill His will.

We are a serving family and love to serve where we can. Most of our service is together and yes, I have all my kids all day, but if we offer to do something it's because we truly want to. Being turned down with an offer just because we have a lot of kids really takes our opportunity to serve Jesus away from us. I can't tell you how many times family, friends and our church has passed us over simply because we have a big family. Please ask - we know how to say no and we will if we truly can't. :)

So, I hope this helps you when it comes to talking with foster families. If you are interested in fostering, please visit my Facebook page or email me at tfi.quadcities@gmail.com :) Spreading awareness is a passion, so please know you can ask me anything and I will do my best to help.

What would you like to know? Is there a topic about foster care that you don't understand? Our family's schedule? Kid's perspective? I would love to know and write about that next.