The Yuck Confessions

I am approached often about foster care often, whether it is via Facebook, texts, emails or calls. I love sharing about what led us here, how to get started, my views, etc and I love spreading awareness. When someone speaks out passionately about something God has laid on their heart they usually get lumped into one of two categories which are: The saint who lives a perfect life or the hater who judges everyone who lives differently. For real -- I have gotten both :( We are neither of these! We are normal people who truly love others. We make LOTS of mistakes, we sin so ridiculously much, we need taught, we take notes, we ask forgiveness...BUT Jesus! But Jesus!!!

I am a passionate speaker and really love to share insight I have learned from God or others. It's not always the best insight and it may even be something that isn't insightful at all. When God lays a ministry in front of me, I can't help but share about how amazing it is. Who doesn't? I wouldn't be doing it if it was completely miserable and I know God wouldn't want me to. I don't always mention the yuck for two reasons: 1. I don't want people to get a bad view and hear the few negative things that outweigh the hundreds of positives and 2. I don't want to come across as complaining - seriously can't stand grumbling.

So, I have a few things I would like to share with you in regards to foster care with a heart that is passionate about getting these hurts out. These are stumbling blocks for a foster family and I know, if you're like me, you don't want to cause anyone to stumble :)

1. We are NOT saints (well, we are in the Biblical sense - we are Christians who love the Lord). We are NOT God's special angels. We will NOT have a special place in Heaven. For real, friends! We are doing what God has called us to do. Plain and simple. This is my family's calling. We have a passion for orphans. Because of this, God has EQUIPPED my husband and me with patience, faith, strength and a really strong marriage. We are not saints in the world's terms, we are just normal people doing normal things. To say we are saints is to say we are doing something extraordinary, but what we are doing is ordinary, just forgotten.

I don't like to be set any higher or feel any more significant than the family with one child who struggles to go to the grocery store with said child. That family is right where God needs them and they are just as beautiful! I know your hearts are in the right place when saying this and always welcome the encouragement and love, but know that when you say this about us, you are putting us higher than others and tempting us to boast. If you want to encourage please ask how to help. This is a ministry that involves a community and there are MANY ways to help - just ask :) If you are afraid of what I may ask of you, then don't ask - haha, just let us know you are praying and for that, we would be grateful.

2. Our foster kids are NOT lucky to be a part of our family. I love that y'all say this and I know without a doubt your intentions are very well meaning. With that being said, saying they are lucky is separating them from our other children. They are no more or no less needed in our family as our birth children. You probably hear this often, but it is so true - WE are the lucky ones! For real, I am so grateful that God has entrusted us enough to raise so many lives to love Him!!!!! It is actually overwhelming when I think about it - Whew!

3. We get sad! We are sad when we don't know what to do for our hurting child. We are sad when we can't fathom what our children have had to endure before they came home. We are sad when a child leaves our home, even when the reason is a really happy reason like being with their forever family. We remember memories when we hear their names or see a picture. We think what it would be like if they were ours forever. We miss not knowing what they look like over the years - Do they still have that long, blonde hair? Is he still collecting all those fuzzies in his fro? Does he still remember his first bonfire he had at our house? Does she still remember us? We are sad and that's okay! Please ask about them! They are gone, but they will never be forgotten :)

4. This is a big one: We don't always like our foster kids! This is a new one I finally feel comfortable talking about. I love these kids so much. When they walk over our threshold, they are ours and we love them so much. We want what is best and we hurt when they hurt. However, we don't always like them. We don't immediately feel a bond with some. Others we know before we meet them. This is where God's grace comes in and how thankful I am for it. Luckily, LIKE is not a command in the Bible, haha. It is easy to love a child, but hard to like their actions - their temper tantrums when told no, their bitterness to rules, their lying, hurting others, breaking things, etc. I know that children act out what they see and what they feel. I am reminded constantly to love and show love as much as possible. The more love I show, the more they give. The more they give, the more we all feel! It works!

5. We are no more busy than a family with two kids - I mean, technically we are, but not really, lol. If we were stressed and busy and didn't have time for anything, we wouldn't have this many kids! Honestly, God equips larger families with lifestyles that work for them. He equips them with patience to fit how many kids they have. We are no more special than a family with three kids. God gave them the patience they needed to raise those children just as he gave us the amount we needed to fulfill His will.

We are a serving family and love to serve where we can. Most of our service is together and yes, I have all my kids all day, but if we offer to do something it's because we truly want to. Being turned down with an offer just because we have a lot of kids really takes our opportunity to serve Jesus away from us. I can't tell you how many times family, friends and our church has passed us over simply because we have a big family. Please ask - we know how to say no and we will if we truly can't. :)

So, I hope this helps you when it comes to talking with foster families. If you are interested in fostering, please visit my Facebook page or email me at tfi.quadcities@gmail.com :) Spreading awareness is a passion, so please know you can ask me anything and I will do my best to help.

What would you like to know? Is there a topic about foster care that you don't understand? Our family's schedule? Kid's perspective? I would love to know and write about that next.

Why I'm Proud of an F...

As my sweet daughter walked into the house after school, I asked the normal questions: How are you?, How was your day?... Her reply, "Good, I got my report card, mommy!" Nervous and anxious I replied, "How'd you do?" A little shaky she replied, "Well, (smiling and putting her head down) I got a couple A's, a B, and a C." "Oh that's great!" I said. She continued, "Well, I also got an F, too. Am I grounded?"

During report card time, I always see parents bragging about their child's grades and it reminded me of my child's grade. Don't get me wrong, I would totally brag, too - and I am - right here! I think it is wonderful to see children thriving in school and love hearing parents speak so highly of their children. I am celebrating with each of you :)

Our daughter arrived to our home the beginning of November, she was pretty chipper right away. It took a few days, but then she asked to call us mommy and daddy. It wouldn't be until January that we really started to find more out about her life.

I will not share details, but I will say that we have spent many nights up late crying with her. We have spent evenings with therapists and afternoons speaking with teachers. This lack of knowledge in academics was stolen from her. She did not have a choice to thrive. From being in more schools than one could count to learning survival skills that elude me. Her survival skills included lying, dramatizing situations, acting dumb, never showing emotion, whining and complaining.

In the two months she has been home we have grown together so much. Our family has strengthened and I know some may wonder how, but I couldn't give you an answer if I tried. My best guess would be because we have someone showing us true thankfulness, true humbleness, true neediness, true passion for family. Seeing the family pull together with each other is beautiful. Seeing our kids grow compassion and love makes me speechless.

In the two months she has been home, she has learned SO MUCH. From not knowing what a state was to learning what all four hemispheres, countries, and continents are. From never doing an event at night to participating in concerts and basketball games. From nibbling food to make it last to learning when she is full. This love bug has learned so much.

She has been through a ton. If I shared (which I wouldn't even outside of this blog because it is her story) what she has gone through in the past ten years, she would have a medal. How she has grown in the past two months is immeasurable. We don't handicap our children and we don't let them handicap themselves. Seeing how she has learned who God is, asks multiple questions about Him, and volunteers to pray after devotions, before dinner and at bed time is simply beautiful.

So, when she said she got an F, then asked if she would be grounded. Our response? Our response was, "That'll happen sometimes. What we're going to do is try harder - all of us. We are proud of you!"

Sometimes an F means so much more! So thankful that God has given us opportunities to see deeper and I pray you do, too!

This May Be Surprising To You...

So, I am about to share something that may be surprising to a lot of you! 

I first want to say that I love the Lord with every ounce of my being. I spend time with Him every.single.day! My hubby leads our family spiritually in every way possible. Every evening he leads a devotional with our children, he teaches Sunday School for fourth graders and is the leader for 3-5th grade boys at Awana. I am a youth group leader and the leader for K-2nd graders at Awana. We are very involved with our local orphans, spreading awareness, and doing what we can to take them in.

We DO NOT feel that we deserve any praise, we are simply where God has called us to be - something we all should be doing, right?! We will always take prayers and continue spreading awareness.

With that being said, we are sinners! We are in church three plus times each week and we sin every day. I spend time with God every day and I still need to ask for forgiveness before my time with Him. I know that I'm going to sin - I can't stop it from happening! I can change what I can with God's help, but I can never stop sinning. 

This big debate over gays is hard for me (this is not a blog about gays, but rather our hearts as Christians)! You see, I have an aunt (whom is the best aunt in the history of aunts) and she is gay. She has loved me selflessly, my husband and now my kids. She is humble and funny!

So many people are afraid to talk about it and I don't understand why. I don't believe "Christians" act the way they are supposed to when it comes to gays - at all! We are called to LOVE! In the New Testament, Jesus said to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul. Next is to love your neighbor as you love yourself. There is no greater commandment than these. (Mark 12:30-31) 

You see, Jesus does not put exemptions on these commandments - there are no "ifs". I do not agree with the gay lifestyle, I do believe it goes against all of what the Bible teaches. However, I also know that lying, pride, lust, jealousy, love of things, selfishness, women leaders in the church also go against what Jesus teaches.

I am not saying it is right to sin in any of these areas, gay, pride, jealousy, etc. It is not and we should not be content in any sin! I do believe that marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman! But, just because I believe these things to be wrong and am convicted many times when I forget, does not mean I have to judge and bring wrath down onto others who choose to sin. 

God speaks of love so much in the Bible and that is what we sometimes forget. We are so caught up on what this world has in the spotlight that we forget what God put in the spotlight - love! We don't have to agree with people to show love to them. We don't have to make people exactly like us! We just need to love, stand firm in our faith in God and let Him do the rest! He will change hearts if He wants, He will judge each of us when our time comes! Don't give satan any hold on you! 

I have prayed for you! As you read this, I have prayed that God softens your heart to loving our neighbors! Love is selfless! Love is NOT arrogant or rude! Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. Love believes all things, bears all things, and endures all things. Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13)

Matthew 5:14-16 (this is actually my homeschool group's verse) says we are "the light of the world" and that we are to "let our light shine so others may see our good deeds and glorify our Father in Heaven".

I just ask that we start a revolution of love! A revolution that shouldn't have to be mentioned, but surely it does! Let's unite to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Love our fellow sinners, the gays, the selfish people, the murderers, the liars, the thieves, those whom are jealous! Let's invite them to fellowship in the house of God! Let us not judge - it is clearly not our job.

In John 8, Jesus is with an adulterous woman and He said, "let any of you who is without sin be the first to throw the stone".  In Luke 6, Jesus says, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?". We do not have to agree, but we are called to love!

Love People!!!!

So, why all the hype about the New Year?

A new year doesn't mean a whole lot in terms of change. It doesn't mean that miraculously we will be waking up tomorrow a new, different person then the night before. It doesn't mean that at midnight we morph into that awesome mom, dad, wife, husband, friend. So, why all the hype about the New Year?

My take on the New Year is this: It is a reminder! It doesn't mean we all don't try to do better all year. We are all convicted of different things through our year. Whether we react wrongly with our child or forgot to do something for a friend, didn't have dinner planned more than once, or forgot to read our Bible. Each time we tell ourselves that we want to do better tomorrow. We apologize, ask for forgiveness and try!

When we celebrate Valentine's Day, Memorial Day, Independence, Easter and Christmas, it doesn't mean that we don't care the rest of the year, but these days or periods are a reminder for ourselves, for our family, community and world. Reminders to intentionally love our spouse, our veterans, our Savior.

So, don't make resolutions or promises. I have nothing against these things, but I do know that we are a people who do this many, many times in the year. Be intentional! In everything you do, do it with intentionality! This New Year, remember that you are that mom, that wife, that dad, husband, or that friend! The fact that you want to do better makes you that person! It is God convicting us, pruning us! When we fail, let us remind ourselves that this change will not come from us alone! This true heart change comes from God!

What I'm doing this New Year is reflecting on the wonderful, joyous moments like adopting our son, welcoming in the many children (especially our D and R we currently have), seeing other adoptions finalized, seeing my sister have a life changing moment, homeschooling, witnessing God working through so many, the countless love letters from my children, my friends.

I'm reflecting on the hurting moments like saying goodbye to many children, saying goodbye to a dog who went to bring happiness to a new family, the family who lost loved ones, who is battling cancer, the struggles of foster parenting and homeschooling, the nights spent crying with a child battling her past (and future fears). The great thing is seeing God in EVERY single one of these hurting moments!

This new year, I will fail many times, I will promise myself that I will try harder and I will fail again. Through it all, I know that God is loving on me and making me stronger. I know that God is molding me to not be the person I want to be, but the daughter He NEEDS me to be! Only God knows what this year holds for each of us, I just pray that I continually keep my eyes, ears, and heart set on Him.

Pray with me! Father God, I am so very grateful for Your love for Your children. I am so thankful, Lord, for the hard times and the good. I am grateful that You have chosen us to be adopted into Your family. I am thankful for the hard times this past year and I rejoice in You for the future heart aches. Only You bring peace! Father God, I pray for each person reading and praying this prayer with me! I am thankful for them. I pray they keep their eyes, ears, and hearts set on You. I pray they feel Your arms wrapped around them through every struggle and they feel Your happiness through every joy! I pray those who do not know You, hear You through one of Your children. I lift them up before You, God. I pray for our orphans, both local and those across the oceans. I pray for those who are entering a new year with struggles, without loved ones, and I pray they see You through it all. May each of us feel Your presence this year. In Jesus name, Amen.


From our home to yours, Blessings to each of you in this New Year!!!

Hello 2014! :)

Joy

I am a very optimistic person (sometimes to a fault)! Yes, someone you probably want to punch on occasion :) You would be surprised by the amount of people who think of it as a rude way to feel and actually tell me, "I don't want to hear that it will be okay." So in those times, I just sit and pray. It is hard for me to put it aside. Don't get me wrong, I am sad and weep for them and their family, but I fully trust that God knows exactly what needs to be done. Moments of sorrow and pain make my heart ache. It is hard regardless of our faith and joy in the Lord!

How do we get this joy? When we have faith in God! I find happiness in my family, spending time alone with my husband, laughing with my children, being goofy with friends. I find happiness in cheesecake and the smell of a farmhouse basement. God gave us these things for our enjoyment, yes, but true joy is absent when we don't have a relationship with him. "The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing." ~Proverbs 10:28

Our faith in Him is our salvation with Him! "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." `~1Peter 1:8-9

I find great joy in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When a "bad" thing is happening, I can see good! I know that our "bad" things are not intended to bring us harm or hurt us in any way, but to teach us something. Our trials teach others around us about God's glory and point them to Him. God sees the good in our trials and so should we. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." ~James 1:2-3

No one can take away our joy! It is from God and Him alone! I see so many amazing people going through cancer, adopting children, caring for the elderly, sick parents and friends, have a slew of children, whom all have joy! This is not something they can do alone. This joy is from God! It is indescribably beautiful to witness! I am not saying we should not be sad or grieve. Jesus wept and so should we. In our moments of sorrow cling to Jesus and He WILL give us rest! (Matthew 11:28)

My prayer for you is that you see this goodness from God! You see the JOY in the difficult times, in the moments when a friend hurts you, when your children are screaming, when a friend is struggling. When we see with this perspective, we will see His good, we will see God's hand at work, we will forgive, and we will shine His joy for all to see.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." ~Hebrews 12:2

Mean it!

Today our daughter came home with an owl project of Thankfulness that she did at school. It was sort of a rough day as she is still trying to get the hang of school and everything it entails. The learning level is one that she isn't used to. She has went to more schools than she can count. Last week she left her folder at school two days in a row, so we had lots of homework to get done.

She worked diligently on her vocabulary and Geography. We reviewed her spelling words, then did a Chapter 4 Math Test Review. I was growing weary with it all, but as I was going through everything else in her folder, I found this owl picture. I took a moment to read it. It said:

Dear Parents,

What I am thankful for is a roof over my head.

I am thankful for food so I can eat.

I am also thankful for the toys you give us.

I am really thankful for you.

I love you so much.

I don't need toys, I just need you.

I asked her who this was for (she just came to live with us twelve days ago). She said with a big smile, "It's for you and daddy!" As I hugged her tightly, I couldn't help but feel my heart overflow. Overflow with joy, happiness, love, hurt, compassion, sadness, completeness. 

My birth children if asked would definitely say they are thankful for food and a home and parents. They hear far too often how blessed that makes us! But, there is something different about R's letter to us. Hers is set apart from what most of us would feel when we say we are thankful for food and a roof over our head. You see, she lived without those necessities. She lived at times with no roof over her head, with no food to eat, with no parents to care for her.

When she wrote, "I don't need toys, I just need you" she meant it. She truly knows that toys are fun, but she really just needs parents to love and care for her. Her thankfulness is deeper - It's realer - It's who she is. It is a deepness that I hope I have when I thank God for the simple things.

When Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me" he said that because their faith is one that we all should have. Because a child's perspective is one that we can all learn from. They may not get adult understanding, but they get what's important. With the life she has been dealt so far, she would have the right to be angry, but her heart is so full of compassion, love, and understanding.

I encourage you to join with me to have a deeper thanks this season. To really put yourself in another's situation and really feel what they feel. When we pray to God and thank Him for His unfailing love, mean it, truly mean it!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Where is your focus?

How do you do it?

I could NEVER do that?

Where do you find the time?

Are these all yours?

You must have a huge house?

Being foster parents these are all questions we are asked on a daily basis. They used to bother me, but now I welcome them! I used to think people were being nosey or disrespectful. I sometimes felt like we were a walking circus for others amusement.

Heres the thing: I don't know if any of those above statements are true or not, but I do know this... When someone asks those questions, it gives me the opportunity to share what God is doing, what convictions He has made visible and how many hurting kids truly are hurting.

How do we do it? I don't know, haha! I seriously ask myself that question more times than I can count. It was not something I dreamed about as a child. I did not want to grow up and open my home to who knows who...or what. How do we do it? The only answer is with God! With His divine plan for our lives. My childhood was not that great on many levels, but God used that to open my heart and eyes to something far greater than I could have EVER planned.

I could NEVER do that?! Well, sometimes, I can't either! Sometimes I just need to sit - and do nothing - and hear nothing! Luckily, my loving husband encourages "me time" so I can do just that. God, then, replenishes my soul and gives me the strength to carry on.

Where do you find the time? Here's how I look at that question: Where do you find the time to shower or to brush your teeth? Where do you find the time to eat or feed your child? Where do you find the time to watch that favorite TV show or read that favorite book? We ALL have PLENTY of TIME!!! We have just decided to use it how WE want and not how GOD wants!

When we put our fleshly desires to the side, we see a whole bunch of time just popping up! Yes, I do still have favorite shows and spend LOTS of time with God on a daily basis, but orphans are a priority and God has gifted me that time because I put myself aside to follow His agenda!

Are these all yours? Yes, every single one of them! Twenty-one kids have crossed over our threshold that look to us as mommy and daddy. They are all mine until they walk over that threshold for the last time to be with their forever family! I will never specify or point out a foster child unless someone specifically asks if we are adopting or fostering. They are our children!

You must have a huge house?! Yes, we do! It is massive! If I had to take the amount of love, tenderness, compassion, leadership, selflessness, and gratefulness and bottle it up; we could fill a hundred homes!

We make time for our priorities! We make time for the things we really care about! Please don't use the "I don't have time" as an excuse! I pray Christ gives you a clear vision of His priority in your life. It all starts with our Lord, so let your focus be on Him and everything else will follow.


One of my favorite videos: http://vimeo.com/3564887